For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

 

The relationship of fathers and mothers to their children is unique and special. For this reason the only commandment that had a promise attached to it was, "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you" (Exodus 20:12). Our longevity is dependent upon our honoring our fathers and mothers. Even so, when we marry, we must leave our fathers and mothers and cleave to our mates.

 

To "leave" our fathers and mothers does not mean we must cut off all relationship to them. We should relate to them, and honor them all the days of our lives. However, when we marry, our relationship to them must change. From that point, the primary communion of hearts that is designed to alleviate the loneliness must come from our mates, not our parents. Anything else will be a perversion of both relationships.

 

It is not natural for a man or woman to continue cleaving to their parents after they are married. If they do this, destruction of both relationships is possible, as well as the wounding of their own souls. There is a point in every man's life when he must become the man of his own home. There is a point in every woman's life when she must establish her own household. That point is marriage.

 

The authority of a father or mother over a son or daughter is cut at marriage. Fathers and mothers may always help their children with advice and wisdom when it is requested. However, after marriage, parental attempts to control will be destructive to the lives of their children. We were created to be free, and if we are mature enough to marry, we are mature enough to make the decisions and bear the responsibility of our choices. If we do not allow this basic responsibility to develop, it will make the ultimate accomplishment of our created purposes much more difficult.

 

In this Scripture, we also see when the man and woman leave their father and mother to cleave to each other, they become one flesh. Sex before the commitment of marriage debases the wonderful purpose of sex, and will make the higher levels of union between the two much more difficult. Therefore, one of the greatest gifts that newlyweds can give to each other is virginity. The exploration and development of a fulfilling sex life together is not only a wonderful experience, it bonds the two together, strengthening the marriage like few other things can. Sex is not the highest level of communion, but it is a wonderful gift from our Creator to aid our quest for the highest levels of communion.

 

As parents, we must understand that anything we do to interfere in the relationship of our children with their spouses may save them from some short term mistakes, but will usually be very detrimental to them in the long run. As parents, we often do have more wisdom gained from past experiences. Sometimes it is hard for us to let our children go and do things which we know are not the best for them. However, to not let them grow in their relationship to each other, by facing such choices together, and dealing with the consequences whether they are good or bad, will hurt them more. They must learn to "cleave" to each other, and sometimes their mistakes can help them more in the long run. When our children marry, our relationship to them must change. In-law stress is a major destructive force in marriage. One of the primary forces that keeps young couples from learning to cleave to one another is the interference of their parents. Parents, for the sake of your children, when they marry, let them go.

 

In marriage, it is often a serious trial to learn how to leave our fathers and mothers if our parents do not understand this basic issue. However, it must be done and we must cleave to our spouses, and yet still honor our fathers and mothers. Few are able to navigate this difficult course without a few bruises. Even so, it is essential for a truly fulfilling marriage. For this reason, it is usually good to emphasize the word "leave" your father and mother. If necessary, move as far away from them as you can to prevent the wrong kind of interference. It may be painful for a while, but it can be much more painful later if not done. Every new couple needs to establish their own household, and their own identity as a family. This is another essential if we are to walk in the freedom that is required to be who we were created to be.