Our verse for this week is Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.”
The first word in this verse is important: “nevertheless.” In modern English it comes across as an expression of resignation, but this was not the case originally. It was formed from combining the three words: NEVER-THE-LESS, and was a powerful exhortation to not choose the way which leads to “less.” This is obviously the way the apostle meant it here. To paraphrase, he was saying something like, “If you really want the best out of life, and not the least, husbands love your wives as yourself, and wives respect your husbands.” This is one factor that can determine if we are going to live our lives to the fullest, or settle for “less.”
It is interesting here that husbands are commanded to love their wives, but wives are not commanded to love their husbands, but rather to respect them. This is because, as a generalization, women tend to need more love than respect, and men tend to need more respect than love. This does not mean that women do not need respect, or men love, but the order of needs tend to be different for men and women.
It is probably not an over-generalization to say that most people think that other people think just like they do. However, people are so diverse and unique that this is almost never the case. Therefore, generalizations are never going to be completely accurate. However, because women may need love first, it is likely that they will assume husbands feel the same way when it is not at all the case. Men, in general, may not need many displays of affection from their wives—they may think their wives feel the same way, when in fact they do not. The different degrees of need for affection and respect is one of the basic differences between men and women that the opposite sex has a difficult time understanding, which is why the apostle gives this exhortation.
Personally, when my wife has shown me disrespect in some way, I feel she is being hypocritical when she tries to make up with love and affection, but she does not feel this way. She does not seem to even see the two as related. I have observed the same with my daughters, and other women that I have worked with. Women generally seem far more concerned that I like them as people. They want to be esteemed—not just their work. However, with my sons, or the men that I work with, it is obvious that they are far more concerned that I respect them and their work.
Paul’s exhortation was for men to understand that wives want to be noticed for more than just their work—they want to be noticed and appreciated! For wives, though it may be hard to understand, husbands probably care more about being respected for their work or other accomplishments, even in such things as sports or hobbies, than they care about being viewed personally. This does not mean they do not desire for their wives to be attracted and appreciate them personally, but that is almost certainly going to be secondary to them.
So Paul’s exhortation in this week’s verse was a remarkably insightful attempt to help men and women build bridges across their differences. Men need to work at being affectionate, and women need to work at ways to show respect for their husbands and their work.
This is an extremely superficial treatment of a most profound subject. However, if we are going to go for God’s highest, and “never-the-less,” this is something every husband and wife will need to work at.
